I Want to “Want to” Lose Weight…but I Don’t Really Want to.

Fast forward 8 years and 2 more kids later. My weight had fluctuated greatly over the years, from 150 pounds before being pregnant with my second son, to 220 pounds after giving birth to my third son. Almost three years after my third son was born, it finally stagnated around 200 pounds. By this point, I had pretty much given up on trying to lose weight through diet and exercise. I felt like I wanted to want to lose weight, but I just didn’t want to try anymore.

I finally decided that it was time love and accept my body and eating habits as they were. Sure, I was overweight, but I felt healthy and was still pretty active. In fact, I had been walking 3-5 miles every day for the past two years. There was no way I could keep that up if I wasn’t healthy, right? I figured I was in my mid-thirties and a mother of three small children. It was normal to be a bit on the heavy side, especially since I wasn’t running and weight training as I had in my 20s. Plus, my metabolism was probably wrecked from so many years of yo-yo dieting and skipping meals in my younger years. This was punishment for my dietary sins, and accepting my chubby body was my penance.

So I decided to forget about dieting and counting calories, or cutting out carbs, or gluten, or sugar. I still strived to eat a healthy, balanced diet, but would not try to restrict myself as I had done before. I also kept taking my daily walks and even joined a high intensity interval training (HIIT) class three days a week, which I had a love/hate relationship with. I hated the huffing and puffing and being drenched in sweat afterwards; but I was always impressed that I could keep up, and sometimes surpass, girls that were ten years younger than me!

Finally, I also began meditating several times a week, which really helped me gain compassion for myself and focus my energy on more constructive avenues. Overall, I was still overweight and not exactly comfortable in my body, but decided that I would focus on being a strong healthy wife and mother, rather than a miserable skinny chick.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s